Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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