Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
