also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
