In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
