You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
