he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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