someone get that fucking seahorse.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
