every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
