Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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