Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
