I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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