I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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