So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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