She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
