If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I love you. Go after that dick
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
