her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize