im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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