Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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