Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
