Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
