She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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