you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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