i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
