is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
