I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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