I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
