Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Come on in and take your pants off
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