He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
