it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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