Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
