Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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