I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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