I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
