i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
