Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
