I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
