some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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