mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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