Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
