Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
