i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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