Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
