Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
