At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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