smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
