Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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