we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
