Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
