im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize