my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
