you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just invented taco cereal.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
