mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
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the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
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As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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