but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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