So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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