There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
