how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I touched a dick in church today
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
