I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
