between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
