Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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