Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
