wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
