Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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