My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
