I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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