im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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