This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
third nipple confirmed
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
