Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
