just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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