Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
