Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
