tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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