i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
