I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
