I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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