please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
