Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
