It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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