I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
this will be a night to untag.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
