Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize