i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
