You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
