If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
