I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
