I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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