i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
