I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Randomize
