I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
